Floundering and Rambling

Today I had to back out of a speaking gig. The details as to "why" aren't important - to make a long story short I...had to back out. It's not a personal or family issue or an issue with the organizers (far from it!). I really wanted to do these speaking gigs, but it's not going to happen.

Right now I'm kind of bummed because I have no speaking engagements lined up, and I'm hardly doing any writing. I'm also very happy because I love my wife and son and my job is going well (the last month has been a whirlwind of SOA design and implementation hard knocks, MSMQ, WinForms fun, .NET happiness, and now I'm getting sucked into WMI). I keep getting to this point where I think, just what is it that I want to do that would make things even better? Maybe I should write up another outline about a book idea or two that I have and shop it around. Maybe I should stick to writing articles and finding some opportunities. Maybe I should seriously think about making the slow yet inevitable move into management. Seriously. I've love techie stuff, but I've noticed I'm getting tired of figuring out what it takes to solve a problem and then realizing that I have to implement everything. Damnit, why can't I just tell someone to do this instead? ;)

I have to make some choices. I loved writing books and I haven't done that in over 2 years. I loved writing articles and I rarely do that. I liked speaking, but I'll admit it's something that I don't have a true passion for. I love software development. Now I have to figure out what do I want to do for the next 5 to 10 years. I purposely took a break from writing because I was a bit burnt out from the process, but it's something I really enjoy. Over the last year or so I've had posts like this where I've raised the question to myself, "where do I go from here?" I haven't found an answer yet...but frankly I've been avoiding the question. I won't dodge it anymore.

* Posted at 10.07.2005 08:14:18 PM CST | Link *

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